June 1, 2021 · Family
The ABCs of Dealing With a Passive-Aggressive Boss
When responding to a question about how to deal with a passive-aggressive boss, I begin with an overall explanation of why people tend to demonstrate passive-aggressive behavior.
A brief explanation follows: when individuals are uncertain of how to deal with a problem and feel uncomfortable about addressing the issues, they begin to speak about the problem indirectly. In other words they do not specifically address the person or persons about the issue and instead hint about the problem. Conflict or concerns tend to engage in passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than addressing the issues head on with the person or people involved, these individuals tend to speak in uncertain terms and use indirect language.
Understanding the reason for their action, provides relevant instructions for how to communicate with a supervisor who is acting in a passive-aggressive manner. Below are ABCs for managing such behavior:
A — ACKNOWLEDGE
Acknowledge that the behavior is happening and that you're not imagining it. Doing so will prevent you from internalizing the issue and blaming yourself. It will also prepare you for the next step.
B — BE COMPASSIONATE
Knowing why people often behave passive aggressively positions you to understand the underlying issue of uncertainty and uncomfortability the individual experiences with confrontation. It also readies you for the final step.
C — COMMUNICATE
When the supervisor's behavior interferes with your work performance, you want to schedule a meeting with him to discuss the issue. You want to be specific. For instance, you may say something like, "I am experiencing difficulty with securing information for a project I'm working on. How can we address this issue." Emphasizing we, makes finding a solution a collaborative effort between you and the supervisor. Your initiative also decreases the boss's concern about retaliation.
Here's the heart of the matter. The tendency not to engage in direct and honest communication is not only uncomfortable for those who are on the receiving end but those who are behaving passive aggressively often feel uncomfortable as well. Taking charge and talking with your supervisor about any challenge, requesting cooperation in finding a solution will aid in decreasing the supervisor's discomfort and ultimately resolve the issue.